Thursday, 2 October 2008
last letter from tobias
h?
The Hauser Institute
Researching forgetfulness, recollection and identity loss
May 20th 2008
My dear friends,
How is it cracking?
To be honest, and I want to be honest with you, things have not been cracking here very well at all. In fact I believe I may be cracking up. Squawk squawk!
Anyway where to begin...
Well-thank you. Thank you for your extraordinary support. It has been a very strange, sad time for me these last few weeks and I....well your stories have been more important than you can possibly imagine.
Last Friday when we skyped each other I realised that the game was up. In fact I realised that it had all been a strange, comforting but dangerous game. Re reading your questions to me and Beny I decided that I must tell you everything.
Twelve years ago this April just gone, when you were just coming into the world, someone very important to me was taken away. My wife. My pregnant wife.
She was a brilliant archeologist and we had shared a life together in Birmingham not far from where you are sitting now reading this message. Anyway, and this has been so hard to write about in the last week or so with events in China and Burma being what they are: She died on a trip to Ecuador twelve years ago. She died and with her, it seemed, so did my future.
For years I wondered how I could forget about what might have been. Then I began to dream of the boy who might have lived, who he might have been, what he would have been like. The more I dreamed, the more real he became.
Reading your wonderful messages teeming with ideas, jokes and enthusiasm I realised that the memory of the boy who could never be was becoming too painful. I have watched the pictures of the earthquakes day and night and seen how this pain is is shared by thousands of others.
I can see now what his life would have been like, what his friends might have been like and how he might have sounded. In some ways he seems more real to me now thanks to you...
I hope you will forgive me and that we will still meet some time so that I can thank you and hear how I can say goodbye to the boy forever.
thanks again
Tobias
The Hauser Institute
Researching forgetfulness, recollection and identity loss
May 20th 2008
My dear friends,
How is it cracking?
To be honest, and I want to be honest with you, things have not been cracking here very well at all. In fact I believe I may be cracking up. Squawk squawk!
Anyway where to begin...
Well-thank you. Thank you for your extraordinary support. It has been a very strange, sad time for me these last few weeks and I....well your stories have been more important than you can possibly imagine.
Last Friday when we skyped each other I realised that the game was up. In fact I realised that it had all been a strange, comforting but dangerous game. Re reading your questions to me and Beny I decided that I must tell you everything.
Twelve years ago this April just gone, when you were just coming into the world, someone very important to me was taken away. My wife. My pregnant wife.
She was a brilliant archeologist and we had shared a life together in Birmingham not far from where you are sitting now reading this message. Anyway, and this has been so hard to write about in the last week or so with events in China and Burma being what they are: She died on a trip to Ecuador twelve years ago. She died and with her, it seemed, so did my future.
For years I wondered how I could forget about what might have been. Then I began to dream of the boy who might have lived, who he might have been, what he would have been like. The more I dreamed, the more real he became.
Reading your wonderful messages teeming with ideas, jokes and enthusiasm I realised that the memory of the boy who could never be was becoming too painful. I have watched the pictures of the earthquakes day and night and seen how this pain is is shared by thousands of others.
I can see now what his life would have been like, what his friends might have been like and how he might have sounded. In some ways he seems more real to me now thanks to you...
I hope you will forgive me and that we will still meet some time so that I can thank you and hear how I can say goodbye to the boy forever.
thanks again
Tobias
Wednesday, 1 October 2008
skype call between queensbridge and beny & tobias
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 11:51
Is Tobias free?
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 11:52
Hello i think so brenda here
16/05/2008 11:52
one moment...
16/05/2008 11:52
A ha Is that my friends and colleagues at Queensbridge. Tobias here
16/05/2008 11:53
And Brenda obviously...
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 11:53
hi im fahad
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 11:53
hi Fahad wassup
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 11:53
hi wassup
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 11:54
Now you had a question fahad?
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 11:54
my question is how did the boy come to no about what happened 2 your wife b4 u actually told him
16/05/2008 11:55
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 11:55
What do you know of my wife? ! !
16/05/2008 11:55
I'm going to ask Brenda to leave the room.
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 11:55
nothing its on the blog
16/05/2008 11:56
are you having an affair with brenda
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 11:56
boy listens to the mutterings
16/05/2008 11:57
I'm a little embarased, but no. No we're not, definitely not. Definitely.
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 11:58
sorry about fahad #this is faisal and i would like to know if the boy really exists
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 11:58
Sorry about the film. Beny Lotsanames was a little shy today.
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 11:58
why did you add it on the blog
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 11:59
Faisal the boy writes to you doesn't he?
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 11:59
how do we know if it is the boy
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 11:59
Who else could it be?
16/05/2008 12:00
Do you have more top tips for him, Queensbridge Colleagues?
16/05/2008 12:01
Shall I go and get Beny and see if he'll write?
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:01
dont worry about those two. They dont know much. Hi its isaac and my question is are you sure you and brenda can handle the boy. Not to be offensive but you are a little odd at times
16/05/2008 12:01
yes
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:01
16/05/2008 12:01
To be Frank the boy is hard to control. Very hard. I'll go and get him.
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:02
ok. good luck
16/05/2008 12:02
tick tock
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:02
He's been eating all morning. just learned to eat with a knife and fork
16/05/2008 12:03
what's crackin ??????
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:03
what does he like to eat by the way my name be george
16/05/2008 12:03
who is this
16/05/2008 12:03
?
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:03
hi george nachos is cooooooooooooooooooooooooool
16/05/2008 12:03
Beny
16/05/2008 12:04
And me
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:04
ye how come you can talk properly now
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:04
wot do u eat george?
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:04
food
16/05/2008 12:04
beans
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:04
Thank you I been practising
16/05/2008 12:05
broad beans?
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:05
practicing what and y can you play ukilali miaow
16/05/2008 12:05
have u got a passport
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:05
ukilali miaow? i carnt play that!
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:05
my name is boikidman
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:06
boikidman hiya
16/05/2008 12:06
you ok?
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:06
how did u get across the border with a name like lostanames
16/05/2008 12:06
lotsanames*
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:06
Beny doesn't yet have a passport. There was nothing like that in the house or basement that I could find.
16/05/2008 12:07
What border?
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:07
how did he get to italy did u put him in the baggage
16/05/2008 12:07
???
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:07
ever heard of a day passport? whatever mate
16/05/2008 12:08
squawksquawk
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:08
who is joe?? (by joe)
16/05/2008 12:08
(answer!0
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:08
who IS jo?
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:08
i dont know u wrote about him
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:08
um er
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:08
in your first letter to us
16/05/2008 12:08
lemon
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:08
don't get bitter!
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:09
im not
16/05/2008 12:09
what happened to joe then??
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:09
all my wurdz that day came from the paper
16/05/2008 12:09
ItS a jOkE!
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:09
whos joe?#how do ou know joe?
16/05/2008 12:09
oh ok well why didnt u say that
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:10
there was a newspaper in the room i copied words practicing
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:10
okey dokey
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:10
so you ARE joe?
16/05/2008 12:10
my friend
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:10
passing you on to someone else now... yeah
16/05/2008 12:10
hi its jordan
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:10
yeah whatever mate see you
16/05/2008 12:10
hi Jordan
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:10
wait
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:10
waiting
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:11
do you have msn??
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:11
BenY has gone to the loo.
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:11
ok hi tobiass
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:11
No just this
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:12
im a bit suspicious we all want to meet you or see you on a video
16/05/2008 12:12
a propper one this time
16/05/2008 12:12
and beny
16/05/2008 12:13
beny seems to be very musical!
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:13
I think I explained that Beny is very shy and we are cautious about introducing him to the outside world. I am very keen to meet you though.
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:13
ok fair enuff
16/05/2008 12:14
can you possibly make it to birmingham b4 we break up next week?
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:14
I believe he must have spent much of his time alone practising the instruments.
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:15
he seems very talented does he wan to join mine and georges band ?]
16/05/2008 12:15
lool
16/05/2008 12:15
jokes
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:15
I am very busy with my researches and Beny occupies a lot of my mind space but let me see what I cando. Brenda is caling me for lunch. Ah here is Beny again.
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:15
bleep!
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:15
what is a cheerleaders favourite food??
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:15
we have to go sorry mate
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:15
cheerios! we must go soon
16/05/2008 12:16
wassupppp queensbridgers
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:16
end of lesson defo try make to qb on friday period 3 thanx
16/05/2008 12:16
11.25
16/05/2008 12:16
cya buddys
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:16
Beny is very keen to see you but he has a lot on my mind.
16/05/2008 12:16
YO!
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:16
on your mind
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:17
What? Oh yes er sorry what can I have been thinking?
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:17
goodbye
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:17
byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee scudapin bleeep
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:18
all the kids have now gone to their next lesson - good job!!
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:18
went well!
16/05/2008 12:19
They seem appropriately suspicious
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:19
yeah
16/05/2008 11:51
Is Tobias free?
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 11:52
Hello i think so brenda here
16/05/2008 11:52
one moment...
16/05/2008 11:52
A ha Is that my friends and colleagues at Queensbridge. Tobias here
16/05/2008 11:53
And Brenda obviously...
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 11:53
hi im fahad
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 11:53
hi Fahad wassup
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 11:53
hi wassup
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 11:54
Now you had a question fahad?
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 11:54
my question is how did the boy come to no about what happened 2 your wife b4 u actually told him
16/05/2008 11:55
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 11:55
What do you know of my wife? ! !
16/05/2008 11:55
I'm going to ask Brenda to leave the room.
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 11:55
nothing its on the blog
16/05/2008 11:56
are you having an affair with brenda
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 11:56
boy listens to the mutterings
16/05/2008 11:57
I'm a little embarased, but no. No we're not, definitely not. Definitely.
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 11:58
sorry about fahad #this is faisal and i would like to know if the boy really exists
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 11:58
Sorry about the film. Beny Lotsanames was a little shy today.
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 11:58
why did you add it on the blog
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 11:59
Faisal the boy writes to you doesn't he?
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 11:59
how do we know if it is the boy
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 11:59
Who else could it be?
16/05/2008 12:00
Do you have more top tips for him, Queensbridge Colleagues?
16/05/2008 12:01
Shall I go and get Beny and see if he'll write?
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:01
dont worry about those two. They dont know much. Hi its isaac and my question is are you sure you and brenda can handle the boy. Not to be offensive but you are a little odd at times
16/05/2008 12:01
yes
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:01
16/05/2008 12:01
To be Frank the boy is hard to control. Very hard. I'll go and get him.
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:02
ok. good luck
16/05/2008 12:02
tick tock
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:02
He's been eating all morning. just learned to eat with a knife and fork
16/05/2008 12:03
what's crackin ??????
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:03
what does he like to eat by the way my name be george
16/05/2008 12:03
who is this
16/05/2008 12:03
?
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:03
hi george nachos is cooooooooooooooooooooooooool
16/05/2008 12:03
Beny
16/05/2008 12:04
And me
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:04
ye how come you can talk properly now
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:04
wot do u eat george?
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:04
food
16/05/2008 12:04
beans
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:04
Thank you I been practising
16/05/2008 12:05
broad beans?
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:05
practicing what and y can you play ukilali miaow
16/05/2008 12:05
have u got a passport
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:05
ukilali miaow? i carnt play that!
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:05
my name is boikidman
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:06
boikidman hiya
16/05/2008 12:06
you ok?
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:06
how did u get across the border with a name like lostanames
16/05/2008 12:06
lotsanames*
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:06
Beny doesn't yet have a passport. There was nothing like that in the house or basement that I could find.
16/05/2008 12:07
What border?
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:07
how did he get to italy did u put him in the baggage
16/05/2008 12:07
???
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:07
ever heard of a day passport? whatever mate
16/05/2008 12:08
squawksquawk
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:08
who is joe?? (by joe)
16/05/2008 12:08
(answer!0
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:08
who IS jo?
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:08
i dont know u wrote about him
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:08
um er
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:08
in your first letter to us
16/05/2008 12:08
lemon
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:08
don't get bitter!
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:09
im not
16/05/2008 12:09
what happened to joe then??
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:09
all my wurdz that day came from the paper
16/05/2008 12:09
ItS a jOkE!
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:09
whos joe?#how do ou know joe?
16/05/2008 12:09
oh ok well why didnt u say that
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:10
there was a newspaper in the room i copied words practicing
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:10
okey dokey
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:10
so you ARE joe?
16/05/2008 12:10
my friend
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:10
passing you on to someone else now... yeah
16/05/2008 12:10
hi its jordan
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:10
yeah whatever mate see you
16/05/2008 12:10
hi Jordan
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:10
wait
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:10
waiting
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:11
do you have msn??
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:11
BenY has gone to the loo.
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:11
ok hi tobiass
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:11
No just this
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:12
im a bit suspicious we all want to meet you or see you on a video
16/05/2008 12:12
a propper one this time
16/05/2008 12:12
and beny
16/05/2008 12:13
beny seems to be very musical!
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:13
I think I explained that Beny is very shy and we are cautious about introducing him to the outside world. I am very keen to meet you though.
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:13
ok fair enuff
16/05/2008 12:14
can you possibly make it to birmingham b4 we break up next week?
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:14
I believe he must have spent much of his time alone practising the instruments.
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:15
he seems very talented does he wan to join mine and georges band ?]
16/05/2008 12:15
lool
16/05/2008 12:15
jokes
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:15
I am very busy with my researches and Beny occupies a lot of my mind space but let me see what I cando. Brenda is caling me for lunch. Ah here is Beny again.
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:15
bleep!
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:15
what is a cheerleaders favourite food??
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:15
we have to go sorry mate
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:15
cheerios! we must go soon
16/05/2008 12:16
wassupppp queensbridgers
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:16
end of lesson defo try make to qb on friday period 3 thanx
16/05/2008 12:16
11.25
16/05/2008 12:16
cya buddys
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:16
Beny is very keen to see you but he has a lot on my mind.
16/05/2008 12:16
YO!
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:16
on your mind
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:17
What? Oh yes er sorry what can I have been thinking?
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:17
goodbye
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:17
byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee scudapin bleeep
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:18
all the kids have now gone to their next lesson - good job!!
hauserinstitute
16/05/2008 12:18
went well!
16/05/2008 12:19
They seem appropriately suspicious
Queensbridge School
16/05/2008 12:19
yeah
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